Dearest Moira and Tomas,
The news about your baby was glorious news indeed! We are so happy for you, for us, for our families and even for the wider world. For we know that a child of yours is going to be a joy and honor to its loved ones and a blessing to the wider world as well.
A baby is a miracle and in all cases a surprise. For it is a new creation. So far, at least, no computer can predict all its possibilities, all its potentialities. For as we know from experience, an unexpected guest is often the most welcome visitor--as if the person were driven by love and longing to be with one and just could not wait for the formal invitation. Welcome, dear heart. We are so glad to have you with us!
A baby is a learning experience par excellence. From the moment of its conception it develops, grows and is busy about the enlargement of its being. The parents come to share this experience of life, often in unexpected ways. As an adult we are used to making our own choices, decisions, and plans. But a baby pushes one into new discoveries, explorations and outreach.
To become a promoter and defender of another's life--a nurturing and responding and caring person is different from being the assertive, pursuing and independently organizing person one has been. One's time, energy, thoughts and even one's feelings are no longer one's own, totally. They are interwoven with another's life, and often dependent on other's spontaneous needs and wants. Not that this is totally news to you. You have been successful in your work because you know how to collaborate. Your marriage relationship, too, has been a training ground. But a baby is not an equal and yet we have to allow it to lead us.
It is a lesson in trust and faith. But you--the parents--have a great advantage: a baby thrives on love and it wants nothing more than to please its parents. One might say that for the infant love is a biological necessity. For the adult, it is more of a spiritual reality. In the parent-child relationship earth and heaven--body and spirit come into dynamic relationship. This is one of the meanings of incarnation, for me.
Nowadays there is much practical and material help available for child-rearing. That's all to the good and money well spent. But to become human we need much more. We need a faith tradition, we need values, we need art, we need good models or spirit guides. We need the wisdom of past generations so we can learn to navigate and don't crash on life's hidden obstacles.
Thus, parenting is increasingly a teaching profession. And like all true teaching, it succeeds best when it evokes and encourages. What makes parenthood such a challenge is that it requires self-clarification and authentic awareness from the adult self, at the same time that it asks for self-giving, self-sharing, self-emptying. This does not pertain only to emotions and energy. It holds true as well for knowledge, information and skills. No one set of parents can provide it all.
That's why a baby born to a family and a circle of friends has a headstart. Observe the needs of a growing child and one understands the why for the accumulation of baby paraphernalia and succession of "stuff" which are all the child's material development aids. How much more important though are the human resources: the aunt who sings; the uncle who plays ball; the great aunt concerning books; the grandfather who knows gardening and farming; the great aunt who sews; the seniors who know stories and myths. A child who has these resources is a rich child indeed.
And the parents who are part of such a web of relations have the necessary power for the job of child raising. They are the child's doorways to the larger, complex world.
Moira and Tomas, we are with you and for you. "We've been there" and often alone, as circumstances would have it. While no one can do the day-to-day work in your place, we are willing to support you and accompany you in your new adventure. Just remember, no one succeeds perfectly upon first try. Don't expect it of yourselves. But with our pooled resources, you will do just fine! Love, ~Sonja
Next: July 20, 1989
The news about your baby was glorious news indeed! We are so happy for you, for us, for our families and even for the wider world. For we know that a child of yours is going to be a joy and honor to its loved ones and a blessing to the wider world as well.
A baby is a miracle and in all cases a surprise. For it is a new creation. So far, at least, no computer can predict all its possibilities, all its potentialities. For as we know from experience, an unexpected guest is often the most welcome visitor--as if the person were driven by love and longing to be with one and just could not wait for the formal invitation. Welcome, dear heart. We are so glad to have you with us!
A baby is a learning experience par excellence. From the moment of its conception it develops, grows and is busy about the enlargement of its being. The parents come to share this experience of life, often in unexpected ways. As an adult we are used to making our own choices, decisions, and plans. But a baby pushes one into new discoveries, explorations and outreach.
To become a promoter and defender of another's life--a nurturing and responding and caring person is different from being the assertive, pursuing and independently organizing person one has been. One's time, energy, thoughts and even one's feelings are no longer one's own, totally. They are interwoven with another's life, and often dependent on other's spontaneous needs and wants. Not that this is totally news to you. You have been successful in your work because you know how to collaborate. Your marriage relationship, too, has been a training ground. But a baby is not an equal and yet we have to allow it to lead us.
It is a lesson in trust and faith. But you--the parents--have a great advantage: a baby thrives on love and it wants nothing more than to please its parents. One might say that for the infant love is a biological necessity. For the adult, it is more of a spiritual reality. In the parent-child relationship earth and heaven--body and spirit come into dynamic relationship. This is one of the meanings of incarnation, for me.
Nowadays there is much practical and material help available for child-rearing. That's all to the good and money well spent. But to become human we need much more. We need a faith tradition, we need values, we need art, we need good models or spirit guides. We need the wisdom of past generations so we can learn to navigate and don't crash on life's hidden obstacles.
Thus, parenting is increasingly a teaching profession. And like all true teaching, it succeeds best when it evokes and encourages. What makes parenthood such a challenge is that it requires self-clarification and authentic awareness from the adult self, at the same time that it asks for self-giving, self-sharing, self-emptying. This does not pertain only to emotions and energy. It holds true as well for knowledge, information and skills. No one set of parents can provide it all.
That's why a baby born to a family and a circle of friends has a headstart. Observe the needs of a growing child and one understands the why for the accumulation of baby paraphernalia and succession of "stuff" which are all the child's material development aids. How much more important though are the human resources: the aunt who sings; the uncle who plays ball; the great aunt concerning books; the grandfather who knows gardening and farming; the great aunt who sews; the seniors who know stories and myths. A child who has these resources is a rich child indeed.
And the parents who are part of such a web of relations have the necessary power for the job of child raising. They are the child's doorways to the larger, complex world.
Moira and Tomas, we are with you and for you. "We've been there" and often alone, as circumstances would have it. While no one can do the day-to-day work in your place, we are willing to support you and accompany you in your new adventure. Just remember, no one succeeds perfectly upon first try. Don't expect it of yourselves. But with our pooled resources, you will do just fine! Love, ~Sonja
Next: July 20, 1989
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